What happened when I finally met me.
Disclaimer: This post seems really adverty. It is, but nobody asked me to write it, I am not getting paid to write it. I just wanted to share my experience. So, #Ad #NotanAd…Carry on!
Vocal Dialogue Therapy. For those that don’t know, it’s a talking therapy, in which: “therapists address specific parts of a person’s psyche by engaging those parts in dialogue.”-According to www.goodtherapy.org
Its something I’ve recently experienced and feel the need to share because it really helped!
Vocal Dialogue Therapy: The cusp of change
In July last year, my family was in the cusp of change. My daughter would be going to preschool. For the first time in 10 years, I didn’t know what I would do with my time. I didn’t know my purpose, I was freaking out! Depression set in and it hung around. In November it got too much. I sent a rambling email to a hero of a man called Kenny Mammaarella D’Cruz, (also known as “the man whisperer”) telling him how I felt. Worried that my mental health would get in the way of holding down a job as much young family grows up. I was scared that I didn’t feel needed anymore.
We arranged that I would come in for a Vocal Dialogue Therapy session. He told me to bring a voice recorder or have an app to refer back to.
So off I went in search of a castle in the middle of Camden…
What happens in the castle, stays in the castle.
When I got there we went into a little room with a circle of chairs inside. He told me to pick a chair and sit down.
“I’m just going to clean the room” he says as he started to spray stuff around the room and doorway. From a safe in the wall, he pulled out a bell to ding around the room. Clear the negative energy. Then he took his shoes off and sat opposite me. I include this because anyone that has the smallest amount of contact with Kenny will not be surprised.
“During this Vocal Dialogue Therapy session, I am going to ask you to move around the room. I am going to speak to different parts of you. You don’t need to know what I’m going to say and nothing you say is wrong.” He assured me.
Then we had a 2-minute silence to “check-in.”
We have a chat and he asks me why I’m there. That was the first time I cried that day. I’d become desperate, I’d tried for so long to do this on my own and I wasn’t winning. Medication scares me. I don’t feel that my situation is “bad enough” to warrant it. Especially when meds are in such a small supply and there are people who really need them out there.
This had to work. It was a last resort. I’d become desperate.
I moved to a different chair and Kenny said: “Now I will talk to your protector…”
Weird right? But stick with me.
Before I knew what was happening I was referring to myself in the third person. Discussing how my mind keeps me busy because I’m scared to feel. It was the whole reason I was there. My protector would make me overthink things to the point of consumption to keep me busy. When asked what her job was she replied: “to keep things going”. It was so true. For so long I have felt that I HAD to keep things going. I had to for my siblings, for my dad and now for my own family.
He assured her that she’d done a good job but it was time to rest. Finally, I had clarity. I cried again another 3 times at least in the time my protector was being spoken to.
Then I moved back to my original chair, and something amazing had happened. I was sitting differently, speaking differently, feeling differently. Liberated!
The Emerging Woman’s time to shine
Next, he asked me to move to another different chair, to talk to my “emerging woman”. The adult in me that I spent so long pretending to be but not actually being. During Vocal Dialogue Therapy she found her job. It wasn’t just to make me attractive and make sure that I was having a good sex life. It was to arrive and reassure the inner child in me that is scared. It’s to be there for myself and to allow her to get excited, passionate about things. Her job is to tell my protector to calm down because I’m not in danger, I just need an arm around me. This sounded foreign and impossible to me until he told me the secret.
Vocal Dialogue: The secret
It was as simple as that. My emerging woman was the one that allowed the inner child in me to shine. She sits differently, talks differently, she’s bouncy, excited, passionate about writing, and baking and her kids, and playing again! I access her by stopping in my tracks and taking a deep breath, grounding myself in the moment. If my protector shouts too loud she is to gently say: “thank you for reminding me who I used to be”. My emerging woman promised to do this every time I walk through a doorway.
The session was long. It was hard work and it ripped apart everything I thought I knew about myself and made me question it. It was intense and I left feeling…consciously unconscious for want of a better term.
I walked back to the station slowly that day. Slowly but liberated.
I was in no way cured of my depression, but finally, I was able to see it clearly. To know that what I felt was valid and more importantly, not my fault. I was able to compartmentalize my thoughts. To know which part of me is needed and how to summon her. Yes, it would take some practice but I knew how to do it now. I had headlights and a road map.
It may have been the mental work out, or the fact that for once I felt free and in control. But I slept very well that night, and for many nights after.
The secret is in my breath.
“Man Up and Talk about It”Kenny-The man whisperer- D’Cruz
Kenny works primarily with men in a group setting. To find out more about him and the AMAZING work he does visit his website: